


Upturned Downcast

by Raettvisa



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: Rise of Empire Era - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Drama, RotS AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-02
Updated: 2017-02-02
Packaged: 2018-09-21 13:50:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9551717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raettvisa/pseuds/Raettvisa
Summary: Revenge of the Sith: In an unexpected anger outburst Anakin Skywalker reveals the secret, he's been hiding for the past three years.





	

_Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars._

 

_Master Yoda's quarters _

The numerous lines on the venerable Master's face, one of the signs of his 800 years' long life, grew deeper. Young Anakin Skywalker – a Jedi Knight already, still seemed to be the troubled and fear-filled 9-year-old sandy-haired boy, who had left everything behind for an unclear future in a far-away Temple. However hard he struggled to hide his inner turmoil behind a mask of sternness and maturity, the insecure child often managed to break through the pretence. Evidently enough for the discerning eye of the Grand Master of the Jedi Order to notice. To add more fuel to the fire, now the young man was being disturbed by nightmares he was convinced were visions. Of what?

"Premonitions, premonitions. These visions you have..."

"They are of pain, suffering. Death," the Jedi Knight chimed in, pausing nervously before the last word.

"Yourself you speak of, or someone you know?"

"Someone," came a half-mouthed reply.

"Close to you?"

"Yes."

The admission served only to increase Yoda's unease. He reminisced of the insufferable amount of pain he had felt in the Force not too long ago, when Anakin's mother had died. Chosen or not, Anakin Skywalker had a midichlorian count of over 20000 and with his training in the Jedi arts came a great hope and an even greater danger. His sole feelings could reverberate through the whole Galaxy, transcending time and space. An all-consuming fear of loss in the heart of the Chosen One was not only dangerous for him alone, but could endanger the Galaxy and everybody in it.

"Careful you must be when sensing the future Anakin. The fear of loss a path to the Dark Side is."

"I won't let these visions come true, Master Yoda," the Jedi Knight uttered with steel resolve.

"Death is a natural part of life. Rejoice for those around you who transform into the Force. Mourn them do not. Miss them do not. Attachment leads to jealousy. The shadow of greed that is."

"What must I do, Master Yoda?"

"Train yourself to let go... of everything you fear to lose."

While still halfway through his response, Yoda could feel a tinge of disappointment… and a barely detectable, but equally disturbing, cold rush of fear. What the young man actually felt, was a large, merciless, vicious snake, winding inexorably around his throat, suffocating and incapacitating him. He had to find a way to save Padmé and the only door he could knock at and ask for help was being shut right before him. Who else would know how to stop premonitions from happening but Yoda?

"Hmm, much fear I sense in you. In anger it can easily develop. How such feelings to release learned already you should have, young one. Disturbing this is. Always sensed them in you I have, but stronger instead of weaker they are becoming. Dangerous this is and in perilous times such as these, even more so."

Anakin's fear turned into anger in split seconds, just as the venerable Master had predicted.

_Fear. He has always sensed it in me, he says. Always. Then why would he send a fearful boy to win the most heated battles in this wretched war? Fear! I am expecting the Council to give me the rank of Master any day now, and this troll tells me I was afraid! Curse him! He knows nothing about me. Absolutely nothing. Instead of helping me up, he has always tried to drag me down. I sense this in you, I sense that. You have neither learned this, nor that. What can I do about it? Why is this old troll a Grand Master, when all he does, when you ask for help, is give you riddles to mull over or accuse you of having done something bad?_

_Hahaha, he has always sensed fear in me. Fool! And did you sense that I've been married for almost three years now, did you sense that, old troll?!_

"Fear, you say, Master. Fear! And how exactly did you sense it from me? Did the Force whisper it to you, or what?! Because if it has whispered this to you, I wonder how it hasn't screamed another word at you: love! This is what you would have sensed, if you were indeed so good at reading people, but you obviously aren't."

Yoda's ears twitched in surprise.

_Love? Obi-Wan, young one, what a poor job you have done! That something there was I knew but that talked to the Senator you had and everything taken care of had been you said!_

Meanwhile, Anakin's face had flushed bright red, while his eyes had widened in horror.

"Erm… Master Yoda… I'm sorry for my disrespectful behavior, it was unintentional and it won't repeat itself. Uh… Thank you for the advice, I'll inform you of my progress," Anakin mumbled, rising to his feet in light-speed.

"Not so fast, Skywalker! Too much revealed you already have, the rest I want to hear!"

The color on the young man's face intensified.

"What rest do you want to hear exactly? There is no rest!"

"Lie to me you think you can?"

"Lied to you I already have!" Anakin shouted out, not noticing that he had adopted Yoda's manner of speech. Hot and cold waves were engulfing him, as he struggled to comprehend that in a moment of weakness and panic he had spilled out the secret that would end his life as a Jedi in an instant. In a frustrated resignation, he continued doing just that. "For three years I have been lying to all of you. To the Council and to Obi-Wan," the young man added bitterly, shivering at mentioning his former Master's name.

"Calm down, you should. Tea I will prepare. Center yourself in the meantime you will."

Jedi Knight Anakin Skywalker did his best to steady his breathing. In and out. Yes, out. The secret was out now. He had no idea what would happen to him, but at least this would put an end to all the lying and cheating necessary for keeping up the often long-distance relationship with his wife.

As Yoda returned, he wasted no time in saying:

"I married Senator Padmé Amidala three years ago right after the first battle of Geonosis. While I was still a Padawan learner. Do with me whatever you want, but know, that I will not divorce her for anything in the Galaxy. If this will cost me my place in the Order, then so be it."

Marriage. It was worse than whatever Yoda had thought. Marriage vows were the complete and utter contradiction to the vows a Jedi swore to the Republic and the Jedi Order. This meant that Anakin Skywalker's loyalty to the Order could not be relied upon. And yet, since the beginning of the war and, respectfully, the beginning of his married life, Anakin had been acting in a far more responsible, mature and controlled manner than ever before. Still much less so than necessary, yes, but there had been a definite improvement. Yoda would never have entrusted Anakin with a Padawan otherwise. Not that his teaching Ahsoka ended well, but…

The Grand Master sighed. Contradictory was this situation, just like everything surrounding Anakin Skywalker had ever been.

"Humph. Married you are, you say… Yes, with expulsion such an act is usually to be punished. Yes, usually… What with certainty happen this time, say, I cannot."

Anakin's eyes lit up with hope.

"But… Master Yoda… Is there a chance for me to remain a Jedi? Is it possible?"

"Decide this the Council will. In due time. Kept this secret for three years you have. Keep it for a little more you will. The war to an end is drawing. Confer upon your fate afterwards we will."

Relief was evident in the young Knight's eyes.

"Padmé and I would have confessed everything then anyway," Anakin started, but interrupted himself abruptly.

"More to say have you? Everything I need to know! For your own good this is. And for your wife's."

Hearing this, Anakin furrowed his brow, but said nothing.

"Honest with me you should be. The premonitions… With the Senator connected they are, are they not?"

A deep sigh broke from the young man's chest. Everything was out already. Maybe Yoda could at least provide some actual help in preventing the vision from happening after all. He was the oldest and wisest Jedi Master. He had to know some way of preventing premonitions from happening. And for it to work the young man had to confess everything. He could not make gambles with the life of the love of his life.

"Alright, Master. Padmé… She is pregnant, she told me yesterday. In my vision last night… She died in childbirth. The fate of the child is uncertain. And I cannot lose either one of them. Nor can I train myself out of fearing for their safety. All I want is for them to live. Is this so much?"

"This is the reason why forbidden attachment is. Too much power over you your family's fate has. Control you it can. Make you do everything and anything it can. Realize that this dangerous for you and everyone else can be do you? A central part in the Galaxy's future you will play, Anakin. Fear no hold of you must have, or endanger everyone you do, including your own family."

A cold chill ran through the young man's body. Anger followed suit.

"Are you saying that I am the threat for my own family's safety?! How can I be? How can you say that? I love them. More than anything. I am ready to die for them."

"Yes, ready you are. Anything to do. Bad things included, hmm?"

"I…" Anakin started uncertainly.

"See? Deny my claim straightforward you did not. Hesitate you did! Hesitation in your devotion to the Jedi Order and to the good of the Republic there must not be. A Jedi Knight are you or a husband and father?"

The young man sighed heavily.

"I told you which one I will choose, if I have to in the end. But, Master, I want to remain a Jedi and do my duty at least until peace is restored! I want to help you… And Obi-Wan. I will not and cannot leave."

"Leave the Order you do not want to, or leave Obi-Wan you cannot? Another personal attachment I sense you have."

Anakin's cheeks flushed again, as he retorted bitingly:

"I might, but like I said, I want to help restore peace and justice! Will you help me save Padmé in return or what?!"

"Hmm, payment for his service a Jedi desire does not."

The Knight's exasperation was on the increase. Yoda was turning every word he said against him. But what did it matter now, his career as a Jedi was most probably done for. He didn't even see why Yoda was bothering with lecturing a Knight, whose expulsion he would support in just a few weeks' time, anyway.

How fast had he gone from expecting to be granted the rank of Jedi Master to expecting to be stripped from his current one.

"Well, maybe I am no Jedi in the traditional meaning of the word. I was brought late to the Temple. And unlike all of you, I can love. No one ever taught me out of it. It is too late now. Perhaps it always has been."

"Humph. Empathic with all life forms the Jedi are, but attached to them we are not. Let go, we can. Against the will of the Force fight no one can. Change the will of the Force you cannot. And if try you do, fulfill what you are trying to prevent you might. Trust in the Force and in yourself you should. When the time comes know you will what do you should. If in fear for a solution to your problem you seek, nothing but anger and pain you will find."

"I can't sit around and do nothing, when the birth of the child is growing nearer and nearer! It is beyond me, Master Yoda. I was too late and failed to save my mother. I am not going to wait until it's too late again."

Immediately after mentioning his mother he regretted doing it. Why was he so open to Yoda? He had never been. But neither had the old Master spared so much time for him ever before. But, luckily for Anakin, he didn't elaborate on Shmi Skywalker's death.

"What exactly do will you? Hardly anyone in childbirth dies these days. Another reason for the Senator's death may there be. One, which is irrelevant yet. One, which may never come to pass. And if indeed a grave danger the birth of your child for Padmé is, then nothing done can be. Stop people from dying no one can. If such secrets this Temple harbors you think, then mistaken you are. Death natural is. The will of the Force it is. Many Jedi their deaths in the Clone Wars found have, but continue to live and to do my duty I do. Yes, grieved for them I have, responsible for them I was. A perfect Jedi even I am not. But accept this I do. Live despite the loss I do. Acceptance you must reach. Out of fear act you must not!"

A deeply troubled and pained expression was visible on Anakin's face.

"I have never heard you talk for so long, Master Yoda. And yet I still find no solace or hope in your words."

"Humph. Say nothing for certain I can. Treacherous visions may be. Treacherous they often are. Help you any further I cannot. Talk to your Jedi Master you should. Connected your fates are. Know the truth he should. Change the future for the better this may."

Anakin shivered.

"How can this make a change for the better?! He will hate me for lying to him!" the Knight exclaimed in a highly-pitched tone,

Out of nowhere, Yoda's gimer stick landed heavily on Anakin's head.

"So little faith in Master Kenobi you have, hmm? For a decade watched over you he has and continue doing so he does, even though a Jedi Knight you already are!"

The young man's brow furrowed.

"Exactly. And I am repaying him by lying to him. He won't understand."

"Deserve to know he does. Deceit nothing good breeds. Appreciate he will that willingly confess everything you will. Forgiveness the Jedi way is."

Anakin sighed. Obi-Wan was nothing less than an exemplary Jedi. He would not let his emotions get the better of him. But he would definitely not trust him ever again either. Their relationship would be broken beyond repair. Could Anakin bear this? No, not a look of utter disappointment and shattered faith from Obi-Wan, aimed at him.

As fear took a tighter hold on young man, self-disgust rose suddenly in his throat as well. He could not let this fear guide his actions, Yoda's warning did not lack substance. But lacked an actual answer to his question how to save Padmé. Wait, what if telling Obi-Wan could indeed influence some course of events, as ludicrous as it sounded? This was the only practical advice he had received thus far. His former Master would find out about his marriage eventually, now this could at least do some good, if Yoda was to be trusted on this at all.

After a lengthy pause, Anakin conceded. "You are right, he, of all people, deserves to know. I will do it."

The Grand Master nodded approvingly.

"If more visions you have, come to me again, you should. Meditate on this I will."

"Thank you, Master."

"May the Force be with you, young Skywalker."

 

* * *

 

Mumbling Huttese swear words, Anakin hurried towards a conference room, where a report on the Outer Rim sieges, he was terribly late for, was being held.

_That kriffing troll just got me in deeper than I was in the first place! Now I have to deal with the nightmares and with the nightmare of telling Obi-Wan about it all!_

Anger ignited the blood in Anakin's veins again.

_I am not his apprentice anymore! Why would I need his help?! He is the one, who ends up needing my help on missions all the time!_

The Knight was once again disturbed by his boiling emotions. None of his problems were his former Master's fault and he was mentally lashing out at him for no real reason.

_Obi-Wan, why can't you understand me? I need you to now more than ever._

Steeling himself, Anakin entered the conference room, where he had sensed only Obi-Wan's presence. Hurrying in, he could already hear his former mentor's accusatory comment of his having missed the report.

"I am sorry, I was held up, I have no excuse" he replied with resignation.

Paying little attention to Obi-Wan's summary of the report that followed, he exclaimed:

"Obi-Wan, I… have to tell you… I need to talk to you!"

The older man furrowed his brow and cast a careful glance over Anakin. He looked and sounded disturbed. What was more unusual than his friend's sudden anxiety was that he had come to him to share his problem. This happened so rarely that Obi-Wan actually hated himself for responding:

"I hope it is not urgent for your presence is requested by the Chancellor immediately."

The young man blinked in confusion.

"What for?" _What would be so urgent? And he asked for me officially?_

"He would not say," came Obi-Wan's concerned reply.

"He didn't inform the Council? Well, that's unusual, isn't it?"

"It is not the only thing that is. Anakin, the Senate is expected to vote more executive powers to the Chancellor this afternoon."

"But that is good unusual. It means less deliberating and more action. It will make it easier to end this war."

Obi-Wan's eyes widened in disbelief, turning a disproving light green.

_Good unusual? Oh, Anakin, why do you trust this certain politician so much?_

"Beware of your friend Palpatine," the Jedi Master replied in a clipped tone, sweeping past Anakin and beginning to climb the stairs towards the exit.

"Beware of what? You said it, he's my friend," Anakin retorted with irritation, catching up with Obi-Wan by taking two stairs at a time.

"He's stayed in office long after his term expired. He's gathering more and more power. Anakin, you must see that something is out of place here."

"What is out of place here is your questioning the Supreme Chancellor of the Republic, who also happens to be one of my closest friends and mentors."

Unease spread through Obi-Wan's body. Followed by exasperation and some stronger negative emotion he could not quite place, but would make sure to get rid of during the first opportunity he got to meditate. And a tinge of guilt – what if his former Padawan was right, after all?

The Jedi Master sighed.

"Just be careful for your own good, I'm asking nothing more of you."

"I don't see a reason for your warnings. And I am not a Padawan to need whatsoever warnings from you anyway. See you later."

Not noting the concerned, caring and slightly hurt look in Obi-Wan's eyes, Anakin sped up his pace, turning a corner towards the Temple's main entrance.

Obi-Wan remained behind, watching his former apprentice's retreating figure with a frown.

_He's clearly on edge. Palpatine managed to make matters worse before Anakin has even met him. Instead of sharing what's troubling him, Anakin has only gotten more aggravated._

Meanwhile, the Jedi Knight himself was on an opposing opinion.

_Thank the Chancellor for saving me from talking to Obi-Wan for now. And what in Sith hell is wrong with Obi-Wan? How can he doubt the Chancellor?_

 

* * *

 

"Disturbing this decision by the Chancellor is", Master Yoda uttered with concern, while Anakin Skywalker was standing in the middle of the Council Chambers, waiting to hear whether or not he would be put on the Jedi Council.

"We cannot accept it. This is a direct intervention in our inner affairs without any justification. The Chancellor has no right to demand this. Therefore, we are neither letting you sit on this Council, nor granting you the rank of Master, Skywalker."

The verdict was given. And it stang. They wouldn't make him a Master.

Looking in Mace Windu's dark eyes, expressing nothing but disapproval, Anakin found himself about a decade back in the same room, standing at the same spot, being rejected by the same Council again. "No, he would not be trained," the Korun Jedi Master had said then.

How little had changed for so many years. So many years Anakin had spent training and struggling to fit in a Temple, where emotions were non-existent, attachments forbidden and he was considered chosen according to a prophecy, no one could clearly explain.

All for nothing. None of these people trusted him any more than they had originally.

He gazed at Yoda's unreadable expression. Of course he wouldn't vote for the promotion of a married Jedi Knight. He would vote in favor of nothing other than his expulsion. As for Windu, Anakin had no doubts that he had voted against despite knowing nothing about his relationship with Padmé. Most probably Yoda would have done the same, had he known nothing as well.

The young man had told the Chancellor they would never let him be his personal representative on the Council. They elected their own members, true, but Anakin suspected the actual issue was the particular candidate for Council member.

He simply stood there, watching them, and they sat, keenly observing him in return. Eventually, Obi-Wan broke the heavy silence:

"You can go, Anakin."

_Of course I will. Like I'd like to stay in the company of either one of you._

Jedi Knight Anakin Skywalker turned on his heel and stormed out of the Council Chambers without either a word, or a bow.

 

* * *

 

Obi-Wan Kenobi walked towards his quarters, many thoughts and all of them unnerving occupying his mind. Why had Palpatine appointed Anakin to the Council? It was not possible for Anakin to have asked him to. But it was more than possible that he'd mentioned how much he wanted to be granted the rank of Master. And the Chancellor had taken advantage of the idea – why would he not have someone he trusted providing him with detailed information about all the discussions, led by the Jedi High Council?

It was not enough for Palpatine to gain almost full control over the Senate, now he had to take control over the Jedi Order!

There was only one thing the Jedi Master was content with. Some of the Masters on the Council had proposed granting the Chancellor's demand and asking Anakin to spy on him. Good that Master Yoda had staunchly opposed the idea. Obi-Wan doubted he would have managed to dissuade the others without his help. And also good that the Grand Master had decided to remain at the Temple. He had been considered the best choice to be sent in charge of a squadron to aid the Wookiees on Kashyyyk, but he had declined and Kit Fisto had departed in his stead less than an hour ago. All in all, with Palpatine's questionable politics it was for the best that he and Mace Windu remained on Coruscant. And he also seemed slightly concerned about Anakin.

Reaching his quarters, Obi-Wan stopped short. Anakin. He had to talk to him. He had no doubt he was disappointed with the Council's decision and other than that, they needed to finish their conversation from earlier that day. But after he knocked on the door to the left of his, for their quarters were situated next to one another, he received no answer.

Could he have gone to sleep? No, Anakin going to bed early was a non-existent phenomenon. Even more impossible for him was to be engrossed in evening meditation. Obi-Wan wondered whether his former apprentice meditated at all after being knighted and having no one, who could order him to do it.

So Obi-Wan simply opened the door and invited himself in. It was neither the first time, nor would it be the last time for him to do so, he mused. There were traces of Anakin all over the place, but he himself was missing, to his former Master's dismay. Dirty laundry and oily droid parts were in abundance, though. Shaking his head, Obi-Wan opted for calling him. He didn't want to postpone their conversation for the morning.

His comlink gave the dialing tone for several seconds and stopped. Anakin had hung up! What could he be doing that he couldn't answer his comlink? Obi-Wan called again with the same result. Waiting for a couple of minutes, he tried his luck again. This time, Anakin's comlink was shut off.

Sincerely hoping that his friend was not avoiding him on purpose, Obi-Wan aimed for his quarters to make an attempt at chasing away his concerns by meditation.

 

* * *

 

Anakin Skywalker pulled out his comlink as fast as he could and hung up. Whatever Obi-Wan wanted was not more important than his current meeting with the Chancellor at the Coruscant Opera House.

The two of them had just sat down in a private box all for themselves. Palpatine had invited him earlier, mentioning that he'd love to spend more time with him and saying there was much they needed to talk about.

"Nothing important," Anakin reassured the older man, after putting his comlink back in his utility belt. But it rang again.

"Are you sure, my boy? It might turn out to be important."

"Ah, it's just Obi-Wan, I can talk to him tomorrow," the young man hurried to say, shutting down the device with irritation.

_Kenobi. I can't wait to get you shipped off in search for Grievous. But all in due time. Tonight is all about manipulating your former apprentice._

"Son, I am so sorry that the Jedi Council refused to grant you the rank of Master. How can they keep not acknowledging your abilities and achievements is beyond my comprehension."

Anakin gritted his teeth. The dormant anger started possessing him again.

"I think I know, Chancellor. Despite all that I've done throughout the war and before that, they don't trust me. You even suggested that once before. You were right."

Darth Sidious had a hard time keeping a self-content smile from appearing on his face.

"But I also thought they would be just enough to give you what you have honestly earned. It saddens me that I am not the only one, who they are suspicious of. I believe that the only plausible reason for their distrust of you is their fear of you, my boy."

Anakin turned his head to look the Chancellor in the eye.

"They fear me?" he asked in surprise.

"They do. They are afraid of both who you are and who you will become. They fear your strength, your wisdom and your vast potential. They want to exert as much control over you as possible. And now, because I have taken matters in my hands in order to end the war swiftly and decisively, they have grown afraid of me, as well."

Remembering his conversation with Obi-Wan, Anakin pursed his lips.

"I am right, am I not? You have heard them talking ill of me."

Anakin bowed his head down.

"Remember back to your early teachings. Everyone who holds power is afraid to lose it. Even the Jedi. Why wouldn't they agree to put you on the Council as an official Republic representative? The Senate's sessions are public, while the ones of the Jedi Council are not. The trials, held by the courts, are also public. It is natural for the Republic's organs to exert control over one another. If the Jedi were the selfless keepers of peace and justice they claim to be, they wouldn't have minded your being put on the Council. Acting the way they did only proves that they have something to hide. And that they want to have as much power for themselves as possible."

Anakin was frowning.

Mace Windu's words about the Chancellor's meddling in Jedi business replayed in his head.

"I sense they are plotting to take over."

The younger man's eyes widened in surprise.

"Chancellor, they can't be. They are wary of you, but they believe in democracy. Besides, they only use their power for good."

"Good is a point of view, Anakin. What if they've decided that it is good for the Republic for them to take over? The path downwards is paved with good intentions. They are lying to themselves by regarding themselves too highly and believing that by having more power they are going to make an influence for the better. And most of all, they are afraid of losing the power they already have. Their quest for greater power only makes them similar to the Sith."

Anakin's eyes narrowed accusingly.

"The Sith are selfish. They think inwards. They rely on their passion and gather power only for themselves."

"Oh, but I beg to differ. Have you ever heard the legend of Darth Plagueis the Wise?"

As Anakin shook his head, Palpatine continued:

"I thought so. It is not a story the Jedi would tell you. It is a Sith legend. Darth Plagueis was a Dark Lord of the Sith so powerful that he could influence the midichlorians to create life. He had mastered this technique so well that he could also keep his loved ones from dying. Hardly a selfish act, wouldn't you agree?"

"He could actually save people from death?"

"The Dark Side of the Force is a pathway to many abilities some considered to be unnatural."

"Can one learn such a power?" Anakin inquired without hesitation.

"Not from a Jedi. And, with certainty, only with much effort and dedication."

"But is it not dangerous? The Jedi consider the Dark Side corrupt and treacherous."

"Just like they consider the Sith to be bad. Like I said, my boy, everything is a matter of your point of view. The Jedi's regard of the Force is too narrow. Darth Plagueis used his power in a positive way, did he not?"

 

* * *

 

_Anakin Skywalker's quarters, later that night_

Anakin's head was reeling. While Yoda had made it abundantly clear that nothing and no one in the Jedi Temple could help him, the Chancellor had indicated that it was possible to save somebody by using the Dark Side. Right, the Dark Side…

Million Jedi warnings of the Dark Side of the Force pierced Anakin's mind, but none of that mattered anymore. If the Dark Side was the only way to save Padmé and it seemed to be, then he had no other choice. He would do anything to protect her. He could not live without her.

His family was everything he had. After his outburst in Yoda's quartets, his days in the Order were numbered.

 _Come to think of it, they've been numbered since the day I married Padm_ _é_ _. I knew what I was getting myself into. Besides, I have considered leaving the Order even before I met her. There is no reason for any regrets._

Putting his thoughts about the Order aside, he concentrated on making an action plan of how to learn Plagueis' power. "Influencing midichlorians", the Chancellor had said. Could there be any materials on this topic somewhere in the Archives? No, Yoda had denied that already. And if the Jedi knew how to keep people from dying, they would certainly have made good use of this knowledge throughout the war.

But what were Anakin's options in this case? The only other possible places where he would be able to find something about Sith healing techniques and controlling the Dark Side as a whole, would be somewhere on some of the Sith worlds of old. Like Korriban, for instance.

He shuddered at the thought of roaming such places for extended periods of time.

 _You have no other choice, Skywalker,_ he kept repeating to himself.

Since the legend about Plagueis had reached the Chancellor's ears, there had to be truth in it. Maybe he could ask Palpatine where he had heard about it, this could point him in the right direction.

Out of a sudden, he froze.

How could he start visiting Sith worlds, when he had a duty to the Jedi Order? He couldn't disappear from the Temple just like that.

Coldness enveloped Anakin. No, he would not disappear just like that. He would have to officially leave the Jedi Order. He sighed heavily and rubbed his eyes. He had to choose. The Jedi or Padmé. And he knew who he would choose. And who would choose him. All the Jedi had done thus far was to continue rejecting him. What was the point of staying in the Temple any longer, when they would kick him out in a matter of weeks anyway?

With this thought, Anakin slumped into bed, praying not to have any nightmares for a change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is something I wrote unintentionally some time ago. It does not fit in my "Choices" series by any means and, like I said, I had absolutely no plans on starting a new story. But since I'd already written it, I decided to publish it.
> 
> Warning: extremely slow updates.


End file.
